You know how it is. You’ve got a big idea or a big opportunity and instead of going for it in a big way, you shrink back and hide. You make excuses. You create drama so that you can avoid doing what needs to be done, or you sit in confusion about what to do next.
You sit there in baffled wonder. You really do want to be successful, you really want to play big…but you’re not and you have no idea why.
What’s usually happening here is that you have some deeper sneaky subconscious beliefs that are keeping you stuck. And those beliefs can really derail your life. They can keep you in jobs or relationships way longer than you should be, they can keep you from getting healthier and finally losing that weight you’ve been trying to lose for years, they can create the same drama over and over and over again in your life while you sit back and go “what in the serious fuck is going on?”.
There are several ways you may be subconsciously self-sabotaging, but I’m going to talk about 3 of them here with you today.
1) You are afraid of success
Huh? How does this even make sense? “Don’t you mean you’re afraid of failure, Krisha?”. Nope. You see, your brain is constantly scanning for fear, and depending on what your subconscious belief is, you actually may welcome failure. You get to prove yourself right! “See, I knew it couldn’t work out. It’s not for me.”. This is an easier place to live in. Fear of success, however, means that you may be worried you’ll be rejected if you somehow outshine everyone. That you will make too much money and not know how to handle it or that you’d lose it all (how embarrassing!). That you don’t deserve the success because nobody else in your family succeeded, or your friends aren’t succeeding.
If you have found yourself having success and then losing it again, you likely have a deep fear here. What if success means you have to make a big decision, like moving or leaving a spouse or whatever, and so you keep yourself just successful enough so that you’re not on the streets, but not successful enough to really go for it in life so that you do not have to make this big move you know deep down you need to make.
Take a moment and ask yourself if this is true for you. If this makes you uncomfortable, then this is most definitely true for you!
2) You are afraid of rejection.
A big reason why people don’t take more risks in life is that they’re simply afraid of looking stupid, by somehow being ostracized or rejected. And of course, one of our core needs as humans is connection, so we wouldn’t consciously do something to create famine where that is concerned. In the same way we would not deliberately go without food or water.
So instead of putting yourself out there to present, or to make cold calls, or to go on stage, or to ask for that raise or promotion, you sit back and wait.
And this isn’t to say you’re not a go-getter. Of course you are, you have gone and gotten a lot of stuff in your life – but I bet you’re not living up to your FULL potential. There is still a side of you who wishes you could be, do or have a bit more, but the one scary thing you know you need to do, you’re not doing it because you’re afraid of being rejected.
3) You are afraid to “toot your horn” for it seems like you’re bragging or being annoying about yourself. You feel you’re being “annoying” when engaging people in conversations about what you do.
This all boils down to your own self-worth, and being afraid to outshine others. Perhaps as a child you saw examples of how talking about how amazing you are was frowned upon. Maybe you heard the word conceited a lot. Perhaps your female role models downplayed how amazing they were saying “ah, it’s nothing”, or brushing off compliments “oh, this old thing?”. Maybe they kept the peace and took it all in and never complained (check in, do you do this as an adult?).
This sabotage is very dangerous for many reasons. 1) it stops you from serving others. 2) It stops you from being the best version of yourself you can be. 3) it stops you from growing as a professional and making money!
Being seen as someone who speaks confidently about how amazing she is is incredibly attractive. I attend many networking meetings and the women who get the most engagement and buzz are the ones who are confident. Other women look up to them and want to be them, there is no jealousy or “who does she think she is”. And I can guarantee these women faked it till they made it – I know I did!
All three of these sabotages are dangerous to your soul, to who you are as a person, and most definitely to your career!
So what can you do about all of this?
Your first step is identifying where you STOP. You can’t move past any of this until you can spot your sabotage. Without being able to see it, you can’t change it. You go through life feeling like a victim and blame everyone else for what’s wrong. Your boss is a jerk, there aren’t enough clients etc, I can’t see how I can be successful…you know the stories.
When you identify your STOP, i.e. your sabotage, you can then implement steps to change it.
To identify your sabotage, first step – do any of those 3 areas resonate? If so, cool! We found it.
If not, I encourage you to start to get curious. Observe yourself like you would observe people while sitting on a bench in Central Park. This involves you getting present, which there is a big chance you rarely are. So to get present, stop everything you’re doing, stop checking your phone, stop reading, stop listening to podcasts. Invite in some silence (even if it’s in the middle of Times Square), and ask the question: “why and where do I stop myself”?
The answer will come, I promise. You just need to be patient. Keep observing. Keep getting curious. Don’t beat yourself up.
Once you’ve identified the places you stop (afraid of success, afraid of not being liked, afraid of your own worth – or whatever you come up with), you can then begin to find ways to be more bold and courageous in that area. When you realize this is just an irrational fear, and that you probably won’t be rejected or called conceited, it makes it much easier to take that leap.
You can realize that this is just you staying in your cushy comfort zone that is doing absolutely nothing for your career. You don’t need to take massive leaps, just a small step. You’re likely not doing ANYTHING, which means weeks are going by with zero results, so today, make a commitment to take one small step towards your dreams.
I’d like you to take a moment after reading this article and do two things:
1) reflect on which of the 3 sneaky sabotages may be yours.
2) Decide and declare something you have been wanting to do, but haven’t been doing so because of fear…and then start to take steps to do it.
Leave a comment below – I want to know – what is your sabotage and what are you declaring to do to get out of your comfort zone and into your Delicious Life?
Did this post resonate and you feel you need help getting out of your own way? Feeling stuck in your life, need to hit reset and amp up that motivation? Grab the 5 Secrets to Slay Your Sabotage and Unlock Your Delicious Life where I will help you get back on track again so that you can crush your goals.